Some people are mistaken when they think they don't need any effort and any special knowledge to start communication on a dating site. Indeed, is there anything simpler than uploading several photos, filling up the profile, waiting for letters, and answering those you like most? Let's skip profile filling and photo selection issues, though they also require a serious and thoughtful approach, and jump to correspondence. It often happens that a person with good profile and photos is unable to establish communication with potential partners. Everything interrupts after two or three messages at most or even the first message is ignored. Absolutely logical question arises in such a case: why it is so?
This is because many of us do not know how to communicate in a way to interest another person. We may write something but without any results. Let's make parallel with the real life. For instance, you are getting acquainted with a person on the street and communicate for some time. If you become more and more interested in that person in the process of communication, you don't mind meeting once more. There can also be a reversed situation when the person tells you something that gets you bored. Will you meet this person for the second time? Most probably you won't. The same is with dating sites. If you have managed to interest the person, he or she will answer you; if not, other person will be preferred as the choice is really great on such sites. So how to start communication and hold it keeping your conversation partner interested in you?
First step and first message
So you are on a dating site and you have found some attractive profiles you would like to start communication with. Many dating sites have the option of interest sending that helps to show your interest in a person without writing a message. Use this option only if you are not ready to start the conversation. The explanation is simple. When you send an interest instead of a letter you make the receiver responsible for starting verbal conversation. It looks like you have already made your effort and he or she should think about the way to interest you in return. This approach is totally wrong. Think about your own reaction when you receive an interest. You will probably leave it unanswered. It makes you think that the person who sent it had visited hundred of profiles and sent interests to all of them hoping to receive at least some answers. If he wanted to get acquainted with you personally, he could make an effort and write something substantial to you. However, all the rules have exceptions, and your interest has a chance to stand out from others and get the answer.
The second thing that can kill communication at the beginning is platitude. Do you know how 90% of people start communication on dating sites? If you are a man, you can register a woman's profile and vice verse. Write some words about you, upload some pretty photos, and wait. Soon you will get tons of letters like "Hi, how are you? ", "Let's get acquainted", "What brought such a beautiful girl/guy to the site like this?", "Let's meet instead of writing tons of letters", "Hi, good photos!". Some messages will be little longer but still they will be platitudes. There can also be intimate messages with erotic photos and proposals to make sex without long conversations. So, if you write something of the abovementioned kind, your message will simply get lost in the tons of the similar ones. You should remember that the aim of the first message is to interest the person you are writing to.
So, how can you interest the person with your fist message? First, it should be much longer than 2 or 3 words or a pair of lines. Secondly, it should be positive. Contrary to the popular believe, too many complements are inadvisable. We appreciate compliments from native and close people. A beautiful girl on the street and on a dating site gets tons of compliments; therefore you will most probably be unable to attract her attention in such a way.
Think about the message that can interest you so much that you will answer it. You can for example write about a fortune teller that predicted your meeting with a very interesting, clever, charming and wonderful person on this particular day. You were outdoors the whole day but didn't meet anybody. But when you came to the dating site you saw a photo of a man with the beard/ a woman with the air-rings the fortune teller was talking about. So, the person will most probably answer to support your belief in fortune-tellers and fairness. Such a message will stand out from others and you will have more chances to be noticed. Don't think that if the person you are going to write to is older than 30 you cannot be romantic and original, and all you may talk about is serious relationship, politics, and marriage. On the contrary, such topics should be avoided in the first messages, as they sound too trivial. Your massage should outstep ordinary borders to fascinate and interest the receiver and make him or her answer you.
How to keep up the conversation
It can happen that your message that is far from platitude is read but gets no answer. What would you do in this case? Probably, you will continue searching for candidates on the site until you get an answer from any of them. It is quite logical, but partially wrong. Often being persistent can give good results. If you haven't got an answer to your first message, you may write the second and even the third one. Just avoid writing something like "Why don't you answer?" or "I am still waiting for your answer", try to be more original. Finally, the person will be charmed with your persistence and answer to award your efforts.
Getting a long-awaited answer means you have already been noticed. Your main aim now is to keep that person interested in you. What should you do? First, don't tell everything about yourself in one letter and avoid one-word answers to questions. Find a balance. Give open answers and ask your own questions. Try to remember the things your conversation partner tells about his or her life, later you can ask about them. When you ask about somebody's life you show your interest in the person as a personality. Just don't ask what's new in a second or third message. For you, everything he or she tells is new, you don't know anything old.
Ask as many questions as you can. Avoid puzzling questions; for example, don't ask to tell something about him or her. Ask about particular things, pets, work, interests, but not about the salary. Most people like speaking about themselves, so they will gladly answer questions about their family and pets. You can tell some funny stories about your cat or dog and send your pet's photo. You should skillfully combine questions and answers in your letters. They should be balanced.
If your correspondence is aimed at subsequent meeting and serious relationship, try to be sincere. Don't exaggerate your skills and hobbies. You should have the image of a self-sufficient and broad-minded person able to combine career and family. Don't tell too much about your skills as a cooker, washer, etc. Don't try to be a person that makes no mistakes. Tell about both your failures and your success. When people search for their partner for life, they seek a real person but not the perfect one. When you write about yourself, your leisure, work, pets, family, etc., you help your conversation partner to create the image of real you.
The last rule is not to keep the person waiting long for your answers, especially at the initial stage. If you answer the second message in five days, somebody more active can be more successful during this period making it difficult for you to compete. Don't delay your answer for more than a day; you may answer more frequently at the initial stage, preferably several times a day. This will withdraw attention from less active competitors and you will be able to implement the knowledge obtained from this article.